I write this to you to share
a story, a ministry, a confession, and a heart that is spilling over with joy
that cannot be held in.
Many of you have heard or
read me talk about how I so enjoy the sovereignty of God. However, I have some confessions to
make. See, I know that the Bible teaches
God’s sovereignty over all things, and I truly enjoy preaching about the
sovereignty of God over all things. However,
I have found of late a major difference between knowing that God is sovereign
and grasping that God is sovereign.
Going into this trip I knew
danger laid ahead of me. When planning
and preparing for this trip I often felt like the Apostle Paul in Acts 20 when
he said, “And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit,
not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies
to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me” (Acts
20:22-23). I knew in my head that God
was sovereign over this trip and that very truth gave me motivation for going
on this trip. I often repeated over and
over in my head, “In his hand is the life of every living things and the breath
of all mankind” (Job 12:10).
When I arrived in the certain
area where I had planned to visit, which is nicknamed Zebra for safeties sake,
I met several people whom asked me the same question over and over, “Are you
desiring to die?” Soon after, I heard
many stories of persecution from ministers in Zebra. Stories as in from one woman who informed me
that a few years ago she started a mission point in a certain area. Soon after the mission point was started she
was abducted. She told me how she was molested
and beaten and then ransomed, all because she was a minister of the
Gospel. Another story came from pastor
whom had to take his church under ground because one Sunday morning during
worship hand grenades were thrown into his sanctuary. Then, the weight of the reality sank in, and
my mind began to race with thoughts. I
soon became very homesick, questioning what I was even doing here, and doubting
my ability to even minister. The
sovereignty of God was not near to my thought, but the thought that I might not
make it home was. After spending a
several days in Zebra and ministering the very few pastors there, my team and I
then packed and planned for our trip to another area, which we will call
Bear. Bear is an island full of radical
Muslims and little to no Christians. We
had to travel by boat from Zebra to Bear and the boat only traveled at certain
times, therefore we were limited in time to spend there. The team that went with me and I stepped on
the boat early in the morning, and the depth of what may happen really sunk
in. Aware the danger, some of my team
stayed on watched, and soon notified me that I was being watched closely by a
local on the boat. The boat ride was
approximately two hours, and when landing the team and I calmly but quickly walked
straight for a tricycle (the main means of the transportation this
country). We made it to the tricycle
safely and drove immediately to the church, which was located through research
previously to our arrival. We stopped on
the side of road and got out, but I saw no church. We then walked up a concrete path estimated
six inches wide with manure on both sides, which weaved its way between huts
and houses leading to a small building about the size of a standard American
kitchen. This were I met the pastor and
spent a limited amount time with due to safety precautions. We carried Bibles, food, clothing, soap, etc.
to him for the needs of his church and community. One of the first things the pastor said to me
was, “I doubted your arrival.” I then
asked why, and his response was, “I thought you would back out of coming or
would be intercepted before arriving,” and then informed me that I was the
first missionary to every visit him. He
planted this church four years ago and the faith family there has grown to
around 30 members in that four years.
During this time he has had gun held to his head, has had rocks throne
at him, and wife and family has been persecuted as well. I spent most of my time encouraging the
pastor and listening to him talk about his ministry. Although I was there to minister to him, I
learned so much more from his faith and endurance than he did from me. When leaving the church we hired a van. The team jumped into the tented van and flew
out from that certain location, trying not to leave any trail of our location
and made sure were not being followed.
We then arrived at a different port so that we could go back to
Zebra. We bought our ticket and climbed
on board the boat. I soon thought so my
self, “AH, I am safe now.” That is when
it began to storm, and the boat captain informed us that this boat would not be
leaving anytime today, but the next morning.
My heart sunk. I was stuck on
island full of people who would really enjoy seeing me dead. Then, I realized that my plane back to the
mainland left the next morning at 7:45.
We scrambled calling the airport and ticket areas. We were informed that if I did not catch my
flight the next day, that there were no flights till the eighth. My flight to go back to the states was on the
sixth therefore this was a problem. There
I was, sitting in the public, on a island full of radicals, no way to get home,
and on top of that it coming down rain. My
heart was pacing quickly in fear and anxiety.
I started asking questions in my head, wondering what I am going to do,
what is going to happen, and how can this happen to me.
This is where the thrust of
my confession is admitted. See, all
those doctrines I believed about God’s sovereignty flew out the window when
trouble came my way, and I started depending on myself. I was worried about MY LIFE. Yes, I prayed, but was still so very
concerned. I waited praying for close to
three hours to no avail. All things
working out for my good was not in my radar.
I called my contact in another location to prepare them to make a phone
call back to my home to the states.
This is when one of my team
members came running up to our location saying that they found a way back. They put a disguise on me and lead me between
huts, narrow allies on walk ways built above the water, and we came out to this
piece of wood they called a boat. The
person on the deck grabbed my hand and through me onto the boat. This boat was approximately thirty foot long,
three-foot wide, and maybe a half a foot deep.
I was yelling questioning the safety of this boat, but my friends shut
me up fast by saying, “Are you seriously being picky about where you want to
die?” The rain was coming down and wind
was gusting, but we set off for Zebra.
The distance from Bear to Zebra was close to 75 miles. So, I was on a raft (Not so sure we can even
call it that) full of locals set off to travel 75 miles in the ocean, during a
storm! You could imagine the level of my
anxiety.
After rolling over waves and getting
soaked by rain and ocean water we ported at Zebra. As I stepped off the boat I felt a voice
clearly saying to me loudly, “LET ME TEACH YOU SOMETHING ABOUT MY
SOVEREIGNTY!!” This is when I finally
grasped the weight of what this really means.
Oh, the joy that filled my soul at that moment as tears ran down my
face. Realizing that I needed to repent
and grasp the joy found in His sovereignty.
My heart broke of my sin that blasphemed God as I worried about my
safety and my life during dark times. This
joy has been like a new spring in me.
This truth was clearly no longer head knowledge, but embedded deep into
my soul. I could not stop smiling as we
gathered together back home to thank God for rescuing us. It was as if God made me fall in love with
him all over again.
Some might ask, “What is so
joyful about God’s sovereignty?”
What does Jesus say about His
sovereignty?
Matthew 8:5-13
When he had entered Capernaum, a centurion came
forward to him, appealing to him, “Lord, my servant is lying paralyzed at him,
suffering terribly.” And he said to him,
“I will come and heal him.” But the
centurion replied, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof, but
only say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I too am a man under authority, with
soldiers under me. And I say to one.
‘Go,’ and he goes, and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes, and to my servants,
‘Do this,’ and he does it. When Jesus
heard this he marveled and said to those who followed him, “Truly, I tell you,
with no one in Israel have I found such faith.”
Then later in the same
chapter the opposite happens from his disciples:
8:23-27
And when he got into the boat, his disciples
followed him. And behold, there arose a
great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but he
was asleep. And they went and woke him
saying, “Save us Lord, we are perishing.”
And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the
sea, and there was a great calm. And the
men marveled, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey
him.”
Many of us (like I previously
did) think of God as like a wizard such as Gandalf in Lord of Rings. We know he has the power to do anything and
is majestic and glorious. However, we
don’t think of him of the creator, sustainer, and author of everything that
ever was and ever will be. We believe in
miracles but not truly in sovereignty.
Many of us, are like the
disciples. We plead for God’s help when
trouble comes but are not so sure that he actually will. That is not how God’s sovereignty works. Our faith, treasure, and trust in Him is
saying that, “No matter what I happens, it is in your control.” That is what faith is.
Notice that in chapter 8:5-13
Jesus marvels at the man that has faith in His sovereignty, and in 8:23-27 man
marvels at Jesus after showing off his sovereignty. The man knew Jesus could do the acts in a
blink of an eye and felt unworthy of Jesus even helping him. The disciples called on Jesus to save them in
fear of the own life. What is the
difference in the centurion’s faith and the disciples’? The centurion’s faith was concentrated on the
glorification of Jesus, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof,
but only say the word, and my servant will be healed” (v. 8). The disciples’ faith was concentrated on the
glorification of man, “And they went and woke him saying, ‘Save us Lord, we are
perishing.’ And he said to them, ‘Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?’” (v. 25)
From this I want to encourage
you with a few reasons we can find complete joy in God’s sovereignty:
1. Faith is believing God is completely
sovereign over all things and we depend on Him for the very breath we breathe.
2. God’s complete sovereignty shows that God is
never troubled, dismayed, or anxious. He
is never surprised or upset. Everything
that happens happens according to his will.
Which means that we have God who is patient, trustable, and that we can
go to with any problem knowing that he is not surprised.
3. The only way we truly trust that “God works
all things out for the good for those who love him and that are called
according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28), is if God is completely sovereign over
all things that ever were and every will be.
So my confession is that I
have preacher, talked, and discussed God’s sovereignty over all things, but I
just now grasped and enjoyed what it actually meant. This trip has ministered to my soul like none
other. So, label me reformed, Calvinist, or whatever you would like to embody
or associate with this doctrine. All I
know is that I completely am marveled at the complete and utter control that my
Savior has on this universe. I sing the
song, “He has the hole world in his hands” with a new unction now. I wake up in the morning knowing the God
numbers the very amount of footsteps I will make that day. I pray that anyone that reads this is, by the
work of the Holy Spirit, encouraged and exhorted to treasure this truth with
such glory.
Blessings,
